Real Love, NOH8
Thirteen years ago my brother called to tell me that he was in love. Now at the time we were not as close as we are today so I just took it as yet another passing infatuation. I had recently gotten involved in a relationship myself so I thought it was the old childhood stuff where my younger brother was trying to be just like me. Leave it to me to make it all about me.
Cut to a year ago yesterday when my brother got married after twelve years of surviving the ups and downs that all committed relationships go through. My relationship had come and gone but they were still going strong. I have never met any two people more right for each other. They are soul mates.
The day after their wedding was bittersweet. It was November 4, 2008. Election day. Obama was elected President and people were dancing in the streets. In California Proposition 8 was on the ballot and it was touch and go all night to see if it was going to pass. This was the ban on same-sex marriage and it had been a heated topic locally and even nationally for quite some time. When the final vote was counted, Proposition 8 ended up passing with 52.2% of the votes. I felt like someone put a knife in my stomach.
You see, my brother Doug married his husband Stephen and now it was unclear whether that marriage was even valid. One night we were celebrating a milestone in their lives, the next protests were being organized. As of today their marriage has been grandfathered in and is still recognized in the State of California. Stephen is still my brother-in-law but he is also my brother in heart.
Whether you are for or against same-sex marriage is not the issue. It is much greater than that. We are fighting for basic human rights. The fact that anyone has to fight for this at all still baffles me.
Both sides of this argument are very passionate about their beliefs and because of that passion there have been many missteps in getting the truth of the issue out there. Lies and misinformation have been running rampant fueled by religious organizations creating an atmosphere of fear. LGBT organizations have been put on the defensive trying to justify the mere humanity of gay people.
As you can see from the picture above, I am opposed to Proposition 8. The NOH8 Campaign is the brainchild of Adam Bouska and Jeff Parshley and is a powerful way to put a face with a cause. I invite you to go to the website and look at the thousands of faces with silver tape over their mouths. Some are men and some are women. Some are straight and some are gay. All of them are human.
Chances are that someone in your life is homosexual. Maybe it’s a friend. Maybe it’s a relative. Maybe it’s a coworker. Maybe it’s you. Put a face to this issue before you make any decisions. Ask yourself if that face is worthy of love. Is that face worthy of the same protections under the law as every other U.S. citizen? Is that face just plain worthy? If you honestly do not know any gay people then look at my face…am I worthy?
Hey Jeff,
I don’t watch much tv, so I didn’t know you were so freaking famous! I still remember playing with GI Joe dolls at your house and in the back yard. I love your post! After living in Miami for years with every kind of person on the planet, I came to the conclusion that there are nice people and people that are just jerky assholes. Everything else is just personal choice and a person is a person.
Ciao,
Michael
Maybe I am naive but I believe there is goodness inside all people. Yes, people can be jerks but I think this comes more from fear than anything else. If we could all route ourselves in love and faith the world would be such a happier place.
Thank you also for the GI Joe memory. It made me smile.
Beautifully written. Beautiful photo. I am proud to live in Massachusetts. I love you.
Thank you for the beautiful words. I am proud that you live in MA as well but I would be happier if you lived in CA.
Love the photo
Very powerful post, it has always baffled me as well that anyone should have to fight for this basic human right.
20 years ago my parents had a boat at a yacht club and there were a lot of same sex couples that docked their boats there, why? Because they we not accepted at other clubs. I saw the struggles they faced just to be accepted. They were so happy on the dock, comfortable with who they were among friends, take the party off the dock and the “masks” went on and the guard went up. I broke my heart that they felt they had to pretend to be something they were not, after all they were human just like me, what difference did it make who they loved? Things have come a long way since then but we still have a log way to go and it just isn’t fair, it shouldn’t even be an issue.
And yes, my friend, you are worthy, worthy of all the love and happiness life has to offer and I wish that for you and for all.
Thank you, Kim, for sharing your story. It’s so great that you have that memory and can see clearly that people are people above all else. Your children are lucky to have you as a mother.
I love this piece and the photo isn’t so bad either.
Thanks Jessica. It was both easy and hard to write an I am very happy that it is being so well received.
I love being the star of today’s blog, along with my husband Stephen of course! Jeff, thanks for writing this and for getting on your “political soapbox”!!! We love and appreciate you and your support of us and this cause is so wonderful!
Stephen and I are blessed to have you as our brother and in our lives!
Love you!
Yes, I know how you love to be the center of attention so I am happy to spotlight you. Thanks for getting married and bringing such a wonderful new brother into my life.
As a Church-goer I know what opinion I’m expected to have on this, but can’t bring myself to disapprove of or discriminate against people who love each other, no matter who they are or what their orientation.
I once tried imagining how it would feel if being gay was what society considered right & as a heterosexual I was faced with the prospect of trying to fake a “normal” relationship or else explaining to my family I was different. I found it a very distressing experience.
We don’t choose our sexuality, any more than we choose the color of our eyes. It’s part of who we are, and how we express the feelings that are natural to us.
I therefore don’t see how we can disparage adult human beings for their love.
I am so very grateful for your comment. Thank you for leaving it. If only more people would try to see the other side, all these issues would disappear. Change is slow but I have faith that it will come around.
Your story was quote on Yakkityyak….I replied to it there first and was told it was a quote from your site. They told me to leave it there…I did but copied because they thot you may like to see it. So here it is.
Oh Yes you are worthy. My daughter went 50 yrs fighting her feelings about coming out. She was so afraid everyone would hate her. And she would have a very difficult time with that. She takes after me for that, but then no one likes to be hated. She went thru therapy for 15 yrs. And finally she called me one day and told me…I said you’re a beautiful girl and I want you happy .. if it makes you happy to have someone, male or female, then that is exactly what I want for you. My dtr is now a psychotherapist helping children, teens and adults face the fact that they are gay. I love my ‘dtr-in-law’ ….they make a great pair, and my dtr has never been happier which of course makes me delighted!!! NOH8 PS let me add that it shouldn’t be that anyone should have to go to therapy to be what you were born to be.
What a beautiful story to share. Thank you. Everyone’s journey is different but ultimately we are in search of the same thing: love. I am very happy that your daughter was able to work through her issues and find it. It makes me even happier that you as her parent can love and accept her and her partner/wife as a part of your family. I applaud you and hope that more people follow suit.
thanks as always for articulating truth in a way that is authentic and inspirational. i’m proud to call you “soul family” and i’m grateful you’re in my life.
peace.
I am honored to be a part of you “soul family”. Thank you.
There are few things I feel so strongly about that I draw lines in the sand. One is human rights and I am baffled that this fight even exists. I am a proud Canadian who married an American and we happily live in Seattle. If I were gay I wouldn’t have been able to immigrate, because my immigration was based on my marriage.
This isn’t an issue just facing same sex couples , it’s a human rights one. I want to live in a compassionate , fair world. I want my son to grow up seeing love and partnership as being the basis of marriage nothing else.
Hopefully this generation of children growing up will have more parents like you so this “human rights” issue can be made right. Change takes time and I believe we are making baby steps in the right direction but like a child we have to walk before we can run. Thank you for your comment and thank you for seeing this campaign for what it is.
I have to admit that when the “gay marriage” issue first came into our collective consciousness, I didn’t give it a single thought. I’m one of those gay men who didn’t agree with the basic premise that gay people should, for lack of a better word, heterosexualize their relationships with a marriage contract. But I remember the moment when you called to tell me that Doug and Stephen were getting married, and it touched me in a deep, unexpected way. You are so right — no two people better symbolize a committed couple than Stephen and Doug. And I had to rethink my feelings about the issue.
The equal protection clause of our constitution is a simple, elegant thing. We are all created equal. America is a great country, founded on this simple, elegant concept. What the law protects for one person, it should protect for all people. And it works in the other direction — when one person’s rights are denied, all of our rights are denied.
So to all of those people who believe that our laws should not treat gay and straight people equally, I hope you realize that the logical conclusion of your argument is that marriage cannot be a protected, sanctioned part of our legal system. All the benefits bestowed on married couples with regard to our tax and estate laws, health care system, etc. will have to be undone. To do otherwise is simply un-American. And isn’t it ironic that the people who’ve screamed so loudly about the defense of marriage have actually sewn the seeds of its undoing. Bravo, well done…
Thank you for articulating so beautifully the legal aspects of this human rights issue.
My thought is, Love who you want to Love and feel free in doing so.
In 1983 my ex and I, his sister and her husband rented a townhouse, we had a spare room and rented it to Gary and Jeff, we all lived in the same house in perfect harmony. We actually had a lot of fun together. I miss those days.
Some of my best friends throughout my life were gay. I think all people should be treated equally, no matter what! NOH8
I lived in a similar house of six twice in my life with both gay and straight room mates and those are some of my happiest memories from my 20’s. Sexuality was not an issue in either of these living situations. Just good friends sharing time and space together. Isn’t that what life is really about?
Thank you for your comment.
Beautiful story!!! I am proud to be a Californian! And happy to be in San Francisco today for the festivities!! Today will go down in history! Love is free!! <3